Disempowered: the universal experience of feeling deflated or defeated. 

So what is this blog, anyway? 
Disempowered.what? 
Why click on that? 
More negativity? 

Nope.

Here is our answer:
Feeling ‘disempowered’ is inevitable. 
It is human.
We resist it when it happens.
It is what we are taught to do with unpleasant experiences.  

How do you resist your disempowerment?

Isolate?
Facebook?
TV?
Ice cream?
Smartphone?
Self-Blame?

The problem:

What we resist persists.
We need to process through the unpleasant.
Or it festers.
Tensions mount.
We become angry. Resentful.
Or numb. 
Or whiney. 

Owning our disempowerment:

It’s not:
whining.
complaining.
venting.

It is honest.
It is human.
It builds connection.
It helps us feel better. 

An example: 
Ordering the wrong entrée at a nice restaurant. 
We’ve all been there.
It is disempowering. 
Our expectations are crushed.
We’re paying good money for something we don’t like.
We did it to ourselves. 
We have the added pleasure of sitting next to others who are reaping the rewards of superior choices. 
We begin to imagine that others are more in touch with what they truly want. 
They are superior beings who intuited the inferiority of the dish we chose. 

The default way of responding:
Self-blame.
Anger towards the restaurant.
Envy of others.
Grin and bear it.
Appear indifferent.
Act like a brat.

Sulk.
Choose your favorite.

Try this instead:
Own it.
Share it. 
Say, “I feel disempowered by my entrée selection.” 
This acknowledges reality.
(Everyone at the table knew you were disappointed anyway.)
It brings attention to a feeling.
It is honest.
It allows you to feel connected to others.
Others who have been in the same boat.

Add a dash of levity:
“How did I manage to choose the one thing I didn’t want at all?”
Be playful.
Have fun with it.

This helps you feel connected to the group again.
Instead of the being the checked-out guy picking at his food.
Killing the vibe at the table.

Now more levity, perhaps: 
“If I can’t be counted on to know what I want to eat, what can I be trusted with, really?” 
Laugh at yourself.
People respond to honesty and playfulness.
Your friends will appreciate this.

The moral of the story: 
We can’t always get what we want.
That’s inevitable.
And beautifully human.
So own it.
Don’t try to front.
Let others know you here.
Let empathy work its magic.
Vulnerability builds closeness. 

Bitching and moaning:
Not vulnerable

Victim/Entitled:
Pushes people away

Share your innocent desire for things to go well.
Now, share how it actually went.
Reveal yourself.
This heals you and them.
Now they get to be more human too.

Let’s drop the façade.
And start being in reality together.
Be forthcoming with our sweet desires.
And the innumerable ways we are thwarted.
Join the Revolution. 

“I feel disempowered.”
Maybe just slump your head forward a bit.
Really let yourself have it. 
Take in the universality of the experience you are having.
So human. 
Share it. 
Breath it in.
A smile might even come over your lips.
Feeling disempowered suddenly is not so bad.
It’s kind of sweet, actually. 

Or…
Logon to disempowered.com.
Share your experience with us. 
We get it. 
Even if no one else does. 
They will, eventually. 
Until then, this blog is all we’ve got. 
But they can only fight reality for so long. 

Fighting reality hurts.  

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